Indiana Jones and the
Kingdom of the Crystal SkullI cannot, in good conscience, review this film professionally. That is to say, I refuse to critically analyze the film on it's artistic merits because I am totally and unmistakably biased. The Indiana Jones series has been my favorite movies since I was a child. They were imbued with a certain ineffable quality that distinguished them from every other action-adventure film, and made me want to revisit that particular universe time and time again. Perhaps seeing Indy 4 for the first time as a jaded, cynical adult influenced my viewing negatively. Be that as it may, I went to see it twice, so I definitely need to say a few things about it now.
First of all, the review I WILL write up will be incredibly contradictory. That's because my feelings for the film are precisely that, and I can't escape the fact that I both loved and hated it. If I weren't such an ubergeek fan of the series, I'd likely realize that it's less awful than I think it is. However, it's never a good sign when you're MST3k'ing a movie the first time you watch it.
David Koepp's screenplay was undeniably lazy, with the cliche, the insipid, and preposterous often overwhelming the fun that is the staple of the Indiana Jones movies. The script was just flat out mediocre, without a single quotable line in the entire film. Any dialogue that came off as witty or authentic was PURELY because of the chemistry between the actors, who were all a joy to watch. Which brings me to my favorite thing about the movie; the characters....particularly seeing Indiana Jones again! Harrison Ford completely owns his character, inhabiting Indy so effortlessly that seeing him in another adventure after 20 years was an almost transcendent experience. Bringing back Marion Ravenwood was a stroke of genius, as every fan has been begging for her return since Raiders...and I'll give them credit here because it wasn't David Koepp's idea, but Frank Darabont's . . an intelligent, credible writer. Mutt may have annoyed me occassionally with his tendency to comb his hair as some kind of nervous twitch, but I love Shia Labouef and he certainly makes Mutt likable enough. He really doesn't seem like he was forced within the mythology simply to revitalize an aging series with fresh youth. I actually feel he could probably don the fedora eventually, but as long as Harrison Ford has some energy left in his old bones, I say let him play Indiana Jones! Mac's allegiances may have shifted more often than any dignified writer would have allowed, but narrative convention demanded him being a traitor...and I loved how he referred to Indy as Jonesy. Oxley, who Internet Movie Database originally lead me to believe was Abner Ravenwood, was somewhat irrelevant. He existed solely as a plot device, but at least he was an amusing one. And finally there's Cate Blanchett as Irina Spalko, a soviet union psychic agent. Despite the fact that her character was obviously over-the-top and exaggerated, she was a great, fun, pulp-villain.
I loved how the 1950's era was brought to life so seamlessly. It all felt authentic and playfully nostalgic, and the nuclear explosion in the Potemkin village was a world of fun...even if its' logic was completely absurd. The most enjoyment I derived from the film was the interchange between the players, which was natural and filled with chemistry. Especially Indy and Marion, their snarky banter was a joy to watch and I think every Indy fan is glad they finally ended up together...even if it took them the better portion of their lives to get there. The direction was classic Spielberg, wonderful, exciting, and joyful. He proves once again that he can film action scenes with a style and grace that few directors could ever dream of. And the cinematography, while not captured by the man who was at the helm for the previous films, was mostly interesting, and often inspired. However, the CGI was blatantly obvious at times, and often looked less realistic than the special effects in the previous films. When used sparingly, it could be effective. . .but the chase in the jungle was filled with rough CGI effects that would seem more at home on an amateur youtube video. Also, don't even get me started on the Tarzan reference with Mutt, because if I get into that I will surely regurgitate everything I've eaten today.
So why does it sound like I hate it? I didn't, not really. I'm just tired of George Lucas raping the beloved corpse of my childhood, as the story was based on HIS idea. See, I honestly feel that "I might have loved it" will become my de-facto quick review of Indy4. Here are a number of changes I would have made within the film if I were to love it as I did the original trilogy.
Bring
back Sallah and short-round. For the love of Jehovah, I can
understand Willie not appearing at Indy's wedding. . but Sallah was one
of his best-friends throughout his entire life, and EVERYONE wants to
know what became of Short-round!!! They both should've been
cheering Indy and Marion on at the end of the film. Give us some
closure already!
John Williams may have come back to the Indiana Jones series, but I say if the old man has no more inspiration left in him. . .let him retire. I have never heard a lazier score done for a sequel to a beloved series, ever. There were maybe 4 new compositions in the entire film, but only the jungle chase scene was the least bit memorable. Every other piece was seriously taken from either Raiders or the Last Crusade. It was despicable and, in my belief, absolutely unforgivable.
The dialogue was either puerile, expository, or lifted DIRECTLY FROM PREVIOUS INDY FILMS. Just like the music, entire lines of dialogue were stolen from past films and placed in this one, almost as if David Koepp opened the previous screenplays in a word processor and copy and pasted particular lines into his script. It was embarrassing.
The scene at the beginning of the film might have been engaging and fun, but for some reason the fact that they made the warehouse at the end of Raiders Area 51 just doesn't work for me. It somehow makes the final scene in Raiders of the Lost Ark common and insignificant. This is one of those scenes that I feel I'll warm up to upon repeated viewings, but as it stands for the moment...I'm not feeling it.
If they simply had to make this film about aliens, I could've done without them needlessly REANIMATING an alien that looks EXACTLY like every alien EVER FILMED on screen, only with green eyes. I would've been more than content with the allusion to the crystal skull being from an alien, I didn't actually need to see him brought back to life. And did we really have to see a UFO . .that was somehow made out of the temple the Mayans made? . . .levitate off of the ruins and disappear into thin air? Subtlety was never George Lucas' strength, but ridiculous sci-fi cliche's have NO PLACE in an Indiana Jones adventure. Anything fantastic and other-worldly in Indiana Jones has ALWAYS been based in the spiritual or esoteric, and simply writing these ALIENS off as "inter-dimensional beings" to appease the masses is unbelievably insulting. Steven, I get it. You're preparing the world for the inevitable through pop-culture...but do you really have to keep shoving this alien fixation down our throats?
If Indy contracted typhoid fever during his first attempt at finding the legendary city of El Dorado, why was it so easy for a legion of them to find it in this film? With only nonsensical, impenetrable riddles leading the way...never getting lost once?
Did I really see the Janitor from Scrubs attempting to play a FBI agent? Are you kidding me? Everyone knows his character, and he played this agent EXACTLY like he plays the Janitor, with his intimidating but harmless demeanor. How dare you bring this contemporary persona into my already established Indiana Jones universe!
David Koepp is a hack; a worthless, talentless personification of everything that is mediocre in Hollywood. If it really took 19 years for the minds behind these series to find the right script, than what could they POSSIBLY have been reading before they got ahold of this one? Truly, they should have made this movie ten years ago with Indy's son being ten, or thereabouts, and therefore we'd have ample time for more Jones' adventures. Besides, back in the late 90's...aliens were EXPECTED to be in summer movies.
I
could add things to this list for a few more hours, easy.
Suffice
it to say, even though I enjoyed myself immensely in this film I was
displeased with a number of decisions those in charge of this
production made. Whether out of ignorance, greed, or lack of
talent...they created a movie that.... although positively brimming
with potential. . .ended up being slightly less painful than having
your heart-ripped out while you're chained above a pit of boiling lava.
John Williams may have come back to the Indiana Jones series, but I say if the old man has no more inspiration left in him. . .let him retire. I have never heard a lazier score done for a sequel to a beloved series, ever. There were maybe 4 new compositions in the entire film, but only the jungle chase scene was the least bit memorable. Every other piece was seriously taken from either Raiders or the Last Crusade. It was despicable and, in my belief, absolutely unforgivable.
The dialogue was either puerile, expository, or lifted DIRECTLY FROM PREVIOUS INDY FILMS. Just like the music, entire lines of dialogue were stolen from past films and placed in this one, almost as if David Koepp opened the previous screenplays in a word processor and copy and pasted particular lines into his script. It was embarrassing.
The scene at the beginning of the film might have been engaging and fun, but for some reason the fact that they made the warehouse at the end of Raiders Area 51 just doesn't work for me. It somehow makes the final scene in Raiders of the Lost Ark common and insignificant. This is one of those scenes that I feel I'll warm up to upon repeated viewings, but as it stands for the moment...I'm not feeling it.
If they simply had to make this film about aliens, I could've done without them needlessly REANIMATING an alien that looks EXACTLY like every alien EVER FILMED on screen, only with green eyes. I would've been more than content with the allusion to the crystal skull being from an alien, I didn't actually need to see him brought back to life. And did we really have to see a UFO . .that was somehow made out of the temple the Mayans made? . . .levitate off of the ruins and disappear into thin air? Subtlety was never George Lucas' strength, but ridiculous sci-fi cliche's have NO PLACE in an Indiana Jones adventure. Anything fantastic and other-worldly in Indiana Jones has ALWAYS been based in the spiritual or esoteric, and simply writing these ALIENS off as "inter-dimensional beings" to appease the masses is unbelievably insulting. Steven, I get it. You're preparing the world for the inevitable through pop-culture...but do you really have to keep shoving this alien fixation down our throats?
If Indy contracted typhoid fever during his first attempt at finding the legendary city of El Dorado, why was it so easy for a legion of them to find it in this film? With only nonsensical, impenetrable riddles leading the way...never getting lost once?
Did I really see the Janitor from Scrubs attempting to play a FBI agent? Are you kidding me? Everyone knows his character, and he played this agent EXACTLY like he plays the Janitor, with his intimidating but harmless demeanor. How dare you bring this contemporary persona into my already established Indiana Jones universe!
David Koepp is a hack; a worthless, talentless personification of everything that is mediocre in Hollywood. If it really took 19 years for the minds behind these series to find the right script, than what could they POSSIBLY have been reading before they got ahold of this one? Truly, they should have made this movie ten years ago with Indy's son being ten, or thereabouts, and therefore we'd have ample time for more Jones' adventures. Besides, back in the late 90's...aliens were EXPECTED to be in summer movies.
Still, I'm so incredibly happy to see Indiana Jones again on the big screen again that I may one day forgive this film of all it's transgressions!!!
Rating: Not Applicable
I would put a music video to compliment this quasi-review, but besides the Raiders March...which I've already played....I can't really think of a piece of music I WANT to play from this film. However, since the jungle chase music was so much fun I'll TRY and play that. . .even though it really doesn't have much of a melody.